You looked at me, so I looked at you;
The reality is I never thought it through.
Internet made it easy, a click and there you are,
Browsing for some photos so he didn’t seem so far.
You looked and twisted words to what you wanted them to be,
The truth is there in black & white but not what you want to believe.
I’ve never said a bad word, never sent a message in haste,
Never printed or saved data using copy and then paste.
It was clear that you were doing the same from things that you wrote,
If you’re carrying on that’s your choice, I’ll no longer know through a quote.
I always got frustrated – with myself though not with you,
If I couldn’t figure why myself, why would others have a clue?
A photo, some information, a little snippet about him,
Someone we care so deeply for, in a situation where we can’t win.
It meant we could sometimes see him, see the boy that he’d become,
Talk about who he looked like, and smile not be glum.
It was never, ever about you, we really couldn’t give a shit,
Don’t like you, but don’t hate you, no feelings, not one bit.
1st November 2012 I made a decision to stop,
It was inflating your ego, a little over the top.
I admit I was wrong to look & search, it went on for far too long,
But now I’ve stopped my mind is clear, it was tit for tat all along.
Since that day I’ve never put your name into a search box,
And I changed most of my settings to include a number of blocks.
No more information, no more looking just to see,
The photo & information he gets it will just have to be.
I wrote this as closure to get it all off my chest,
In the hope that this is the end and I can lay it all to rest.
There’ll always be a connection, we’ll always love and care,
But I’ll no longer search for information for the family to share.