Is there a secret to a happy marriage?

On 24th May this year we will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary. We got married on the date of the anniversary of our first date so this year it will mark 9 years together.

During the 9 years we’ve had plenty of ups and downs but I believe that is why we have a happy marriage, because we have faced everything together.

We didn’t have the most conventional start to our relationship. We met while I was on holiday in Portugal, and my husband lived and worked out there at the time. Just over 6 weeks after our first date, my husband flew back to the UK and he moved in with me at my mum’s house. He found a job and we started our life together.

My husband proposed whilst we were on holiday in Kenya 16 months after our first date, and we bought and moved in to our first home 6months after that.

For the first 2 years of our relationship we moved pretty quickly through the stages of our relationship, quicker than most, and granted living together was due to circumstances more than conscious decision making, but for us it worked out well. A lot happened in those first two years (that’s a post for another day!) and I believe that all that happened helped us form a strong relationship quickly and it proved to those that knew us that our love was a true one, and one that was going to work.

So what do I think is the secret to a happy marriage?
I think marriage and what makes people happy is something that is different for everyone. There’s no one big thing that everyone should do that will suddenly mean everyone is in happy marriages but I can share what works for us, and what I think I’ve seen in those that haven’t worked.

I think there’s a number of factors that contribute to our happy marriage:-

Talk
We gossip, we debate, we discuss, we problem solve, we chat, we joke, we tease, we compliment, we criticise…….
We talk about anything and everything. My husband and I talk – A LOT!

No Doubt
Neither of us have ever questioned our relationship. Never once thought “is this right?” Never split or been on the verge of breaking up. We’ve never had a disagreement where we’ve thought we should “take a break”.

Know who you are
We are individuals as well as a couple. We don’t live in each other’s pockets. It’s important to have our own interests, and our own friends. It can be unhealthy to spend too much time together. You mustn’t lose sight of who you are and what makes you as an individual happy.

We have a dream……
Our goals and dreams for the future have always been very similar and we’ve worked, and continue to work towards those dreams together. If you want completely different things in life it’s unlikely it’ll work. You shouldn’t make people want the same things as you. Compromise yes, but not change completely.

Similar morals and beliefs
We don’t agree on everything, all of the time, but our core values are the same. We both had fairly similar upbringings in terms of family values so this has meant we don’t have much conflict. This works out well especially with raising our family.

Respect the differences
You don’t have to have the same views on everything. It’s good to have differences, and it works well to have differences as you then end up complementing each other and become a team.

Do not change
Do not change who you are, and do not attempt to change the person that you love. If you love each other, and your love is true, then you love for the person that is in front of you, not the person you can turn them into. Everyone changes over time but do not become someone you aren’t just to impress.

Trust each other
Never check each other’s phones in secret to see who they’ve called or text. Never check up on them with others. Never add their friends as your friends unless you’ve met them. If you don’t trust each other, you will always doubt each other.

There’s a lot more to us and our marriage but these are what we consider as important.

This post was written for the Happy Wives Club “All About Love” Blog Tour
http://happywivesclubbook.com/wp-content/uploads/hwc_blogger_assets.zip

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7 thoughts on “Is there a secret to a happy marriage?

  1. I agree with you for the most part BUT after almost 10 years as a couple and 7 years married this year, we have recently come close to splitting. Then again, we also didn’t have a particularly conventional start to our relationship and the last 18 months have been by far the most stressful. Otherwise, very good post and I enjoyed reading!

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