Dear My Online Stalker
If you are reading this, then you’ll have no doubt this is for you.
It’s been almost 9 years now. 9 years and you still haven’t moved on. You still watch over me & him.
Is it jealousy?
Is it obsession?
Is it because we have what you want?
Is it because you still love him?
Is it loneliness?
Is it because you do want to be part of our lives and us a part of yours?
Is it to see what in our life he’s missing out on?
Is it a form of self torture?
Is it because we fascinate you?
I don’t know what your reasons are and I don’t know that I ever will.
You won. You got exactly what you wanted. We are nothing to do with you so why do you still watch?
If he was involved, if we were all involved, I’d half get it. But you didn’t want that.
So what are your reasons? Why do you look?
I admitted in a post last year that I did used to do the same. I used to look at your Twitter and Facebook. I used to laugh when you’d tell your stories about us, but the reason I looked was so we knew snippets about something so precious, something that you’d excluded us all from and sometimes get to see an occasional photo. I almost had a valid reason. Almost
I drove myself mad to the point I thought “what the hell am I doing?” Enough was enough and I stopped looking.
It’s been almost 16 months since I last saw anything on the internet about you. I blocked everything I could to do with you. I blocked you from being able to see me – or so I thought
The other week a friend told me she’d got curious when bored one night and looked you up on Twitter. She said she couldn’t believe what she saw:- venomous tweets and an admission you still watch us because you “have to know what they’re doing”
(I know you’re thinking “a friend?! Yeah right!” but it wasn’t me, it was a friend. I swear that on my girls’ lives)
I went through a few different emotions. Amusement, anger, flattery, annoyance, bemusement, frustration…….
It is quite a compliment to know that you’re on someone’s mind so much.
How are you watching us?
Have you set up another account so you can bypass the block I have on you? If so does that not strike you odd, and that in actual fact it is you that is the stalker?
There will always be a link between our families, nothing can ever destroy that link. And you have that link with you most days of the year so it’s understandable you struggle to move on; who wouldn’t struggle with a constant reminder in front of them? But could we not just come to an agreement on one thing and that is that this has gone on for far too long now?
If you do want involvement to be more than just pen on paper then it can be sorted. But we all know that that couldn’t be further from what you want. So do you not think it’s time to let go and move on?
I know this could potentially blow up in my face and resurrect old behaviour, but I’ll take that chance.
As I said, if it’s contact you want you know what you need to do, if you don’t then please, please, can you just forget about us and stop peering over our shoulders?
Neither Love nor Hate
(PS, If after reading this you now feel angry, feel annoyed, feel like I’m “goading” you…… just remember one thing:- you came to look at this.
You looked me up. You wouldn’t have read this if it wasn’t for you stalking us)