Before I had my first daughter I couldn’t get enough of programmes such as One Born Every Minute, loving to watch all these wonderful births and the exhilaration of giving birth.
After Taylor’s birth, which involved two failed induction attempts, waters broken by a doctor, attached to a drip, an epidural which wore off, a spinal block, an episiotomy and finally forceps delivery at 17 days overdue – after that I couldn’t watch One Born or any programmes like it. I felt jealous of all these women who seemed to breeze through a natural birth. Why couldn’t mine have been like that? Why did my body fail at giving birth?
Then Lauren was born. I didn’t have drug free labour and birth, but I am so lucky that I had a birth so different to my first. Only missing due date by just over an hour, naturally started, feeling every contraction and the need to push. I do feel Lauren’s birth was a breeze compared to Taylor’s and I feel my body did achieve this time.
So now I can’t watch it because I feel lucky. I feel lucky to have my two beautiful babies. I had two very different, but two very beautiful experiences. And I feel sad that it’s highly unlikely I’ll experience pregnancy and birth again.
I can’t bring myself to watch, and no doubt cry many tears, as the emotions are brought back to me. The wonderful, amazing, exhilarating experiences.
To conclude – jealousy is why I won’t be watching One Born